I have broken my marriage vows. I have seduced a younger man who is single. I love my husband and our children but do not know if I want to stay married. I have contacted a lawyer. Do you have any advice for me?
– Jane Doe
You are on a dark, destructive path. The following points are given to you in no particular order.
• Count the cost (Luke 14:25-35). Whatever decision you make has an impact on many people, including your children. That impact will last a long, long time.
• Ask yourself: What would Jesus do?
• Read Psalm 51 multiple times. Let its words wash over you. King David wrote this after his adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband was exposed.
• Read John 8:1-11. Pay special attention to verse 11. You can stop sinning if you choose to do so.
• Review 1 John 1:9.
• Think about what your actions are doing to the man who is not your husband (Proverbs 6:32; 7:21-27).
• You cannot continue in sin and be happy. Happiness is a by-product of a right relationship with Jesus. You can choose to be happy in Jesus. Read Matthew 5:3-12 putting the word “happy” in place of “blessed.” (The Greek word can be translated both ways.)
• Sin blinds, binds, and then grinds. That is what happened to Samson (Judges 13-16).
• Remember, this life is less than a millisecond when you compare it to eternity. Abundant life is found in Jesus alone, not other people (John 10:10).
• The devil is your enemy. He is a liar and a deceiver (John 8:44). You can be sure that the devil is lying to you and has deceived you. That is what the devil does. The devil offers cheap thrills. R.G. Lee said in his memorable sermon Payday Someday, “The devil will give you corn and then choke you with the cob. The devil’s pearls are paste pearls.”
• Put on spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:10-18).
• It is always best to return to the Lord (Joel 2:13; Zechariah 1:3).
May your heart be filled and renewed with the love of Christ!
I have been married for 25 years my husband has committed adultery we have been able to work through it we do Pastor a church and trust God I recently discovered my husband is going on craigslist and he is in the personal add under women seeking men and casual relationship he seems to think this ok because he is just reading but because of his issue with being involved in several affairs i feel like he is wrong for being on this site to me he is cheating once again. please help is this ok according to the word of god.
Dear Sister Perkins,
It is NOT alright for your husband to be reading such material. Such activity violates Genesis 2:24 which teaches that a husband and wife have an exclusive relationship. By reading such material he is diverting emotional energy to a fantasy world. He is forsaking his God-given marital responsibility to care for your emotional needs. He is selfish and is playing with fire.
The husband/wife relationship is sacred. It was established by God and is an illustration of Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-32). Christ loved the church sacrificially (agape). Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, too.
Your husband needs an accountability group of men that he reports to every week. He has an addiction. People with addictions usually do not overcome their addictive behaviors alone.
A helpful book for both of you to read is Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)
. I strongly encourage you to get a copy of this excellent book.
Recently I have been needing to ask a strong Christian for their opinion / ideas around a personal issue but have struck out so I thought I might ask the online experts.
My boyfriend and I live on residence at College (university) where we met last year. Next year we will be moving out, separately, with friends (we believe we should not live together before marriage).
However, he has decided to live with one of our mutual girl friends, to which I am not suspicious because I trust them both entirely. My issue comes from the notion that in the future, if / when we are husband and wife, I would not be able to forget that he had another woman fulfilling the duties that his wife should (because I know this girl and she is a very mothering/taking care of a home type) before I would get to.
Is there any credibility to my feeling this way at all and does the bible say anything much about how conservative we should be living before marriage?
For instance, I would never even consider moving out with a man prior to marriage, but nowadays, is it so wrong that he doesn’t think it wrong to live with another woman?
Thanks for your consideration and time,
Anything will help.
The Bible says that we are to “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22, KJV). For your boyfriend to live in the situation you describe is to violate this verse. Observers would see their living arrangements and assume that intimacies were taking place outside of marriage even if they were in fact not happening. Our witness to outsiders is vital if we want to win them to Christ.
Hello Pastor Chris, I’m a born again christian, I’m staying with a partner whom we’re not officially married for 2 years now and she’s pregnant. But feel like I made a wrong decision to be staying with her. My question is;Will it be wrong if we may separate and let the Lord guide me to the right person marry? Please pastor I need your help.
You have several responsibilities here. I want to encourage you to step up and show the world what a follower of Jesus does during difficult times.
1. You have a responsibility to the woman you have been living with. To run off and leave her with a child is cowardly and cruel. She deserves better than that.
2. You have a responsibility to the child. How will that baby learn about and accept the God who is love if his earthly father doesn’t love him enough to raise him? A child needs spiritual training coupled with a secure, loving environment (Proverbs 22:6).
3. You have a responsibility to society. There are far too many children on the streets, far too many growing up in poverty, far too many getting their perspective on life from someone other than a godly father.
4. You have a responsibility to God. The Bible teaches that God opens and closes a woman’s womb (1 Samuel 1:5-6). In other words God is the One who creates life (Psalm 139:13). God created this baby. Will you abandon the child that God has given you? “A man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths” (Proverbs 5:21, NIV).
5. You have a responsibility to yourself. What kind of man will you be? A godly man that steps up and shoulders his responsibility? Or a worldly man that lives only for himself?
Ask God to help you. You will do well to memorize Philippians 4:13, 19 and repeat them out loud every day.
Be a godly man. Do the right thing for this woman and this child. It is your responsibility.
~ Pastor Chris
IS MASTURBATION CONSIDERED A SIN?
Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28, NIV). Masturbation involves lust. It is adultery and is therefore sin.
For detailed help you might want to get Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Counterattack: Taking Back Ground Lost to Sin by Jay Carty. Both of these books are thorough, practical, and well written.